The people in society that are the most compassionate are always sacrificing their own gratifications in order to create and maintain the road to recovery for lost Souls to find their way back to peace and healing. Sometimes that even backfires where the safety afforded at the expense of the innocent and uninvolved get swept up with the target by those that wish to keep control or retaliate for unpaid debts.
I have never been addicted to a hard drug, but at the same time I've known a life of functional addiction right from the beginning as it pertains to the ADHD brain mimicking that of a hardcore, long term substance abuser. I really want out of this rollercoaster where I feel like I am doing so well, focusing on my family and being a conduit of blessings to the world, only to get back off of that road of recovery and right back into the fire of the cold streets. My heart goes out to all who have to deal with this cycle, especially those born into those environments and into the traumas that trigger the initiation into a path that is one of no return for most. I am tired tired tired tired but I can't even get myself to sleep until I finally say "Put that down, let it all go and pass, there is nothing there to miss out on and you will never capture it all"
This is the truth. You will never capture love in a bottle, never capture love in a person, never capture love in a place because time keeps moving on, and this moment is only meant to be an experience for exactly that, just a moment. Everything in the grand scheme is impermanent, and those who can't navigate life with that wisdom are stuck trying to hold together the matrix which is an impossible task.
God I pray to you, whether you are Lord Ganesh, or Jesus Christ, Mother Mary, I don't know but I pray, please reach your hand out and rescue me from this tail spin, from this whirlpool, from this undercurrent. I know that I am a good person and that the innocent Child in me is calling out to be loved and to love. I can't go on like this for much longer.